We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
