Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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