You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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