Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize