Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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