I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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