I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
