Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
