I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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