I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
