I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
