ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He passed out mid-signature
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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