So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
