they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
