My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
