Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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