i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
