what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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