I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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