I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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