I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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