i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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