this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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