I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
