i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
