so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
