I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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