Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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