you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize