bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
