the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
