Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
