I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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