I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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