Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize