Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
