So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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