Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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