brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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