I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
