They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
