im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
