I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
