He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
