I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We need to get me chipped asap
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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