So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
