She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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