her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
