HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
