dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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