no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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