I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
