i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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