dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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