she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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