I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
