that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
