If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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