apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
