I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
