it hurts more in the daytime
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
